Snowflake Among Raindrops

Tribute II

2012-01-09T15:20:00.001-08:00

Home is here

Where I belong

And nowhere else

Would be I gone

You are there

And I am here

But this is where

Our home belongs.

And with our dreams

It won’t be long

Till you and i

Reach out for

That one same door;

Breathe out a sigh

And say we’re home.

But is my love

Just that deep

For me to plead

Come stay here,

But never worry

For I too fear

Your love is

Just that deep

To stay where

Your home truly is.

And this is when

We realise

Home is here

In our hearts

But still we’re feared –

For our future

Is still not clear

Because e’en then

We are so near

And yet so far

...

Where we belong

May be with different doors

But with the same sigh

We say

Our home is here.

Carrying you

2012-01-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

I don’t want to leave you there.

The ashes of 2011 and memories of you.

With open eyes I begin

2011-12-29T15:47:00.000-08:00

Wrapped up in constricting thoughts

Round and round in circles

Never ending jagged thoughts – restricting

How hard must it be?

To bury oneself in fear

In dark, rank fear – restricting

How do I start?

Movement. Life.

Like a pendulum swinging.

Fear grips it steadfast – restricting

The pendulum stops.

Everything stops.

Wrapped up in constricted thoughts

Round and round in circles

Time is never ending.

Fear is never ending.

Life – constricted

How do I start?

2011-12-29T05:43:00.000-08:00

As I sat on my bed with my laptop on my knees, I realized something that is quite scary, weird and a little bit quirky. Here I am, still on my PJs and cutesy ankle socks, reading McSweeney's Daily Literacy Humour "My Dating Profile" by Steven Dale, munching these interestingly moreishly dates. It's 1.30pm and it's the Christmas holidays.

Do you realize what's wrong with that?

You'd only see these kinds of scenes in some romantic movie where the heroine is this dorky chick with a dorky lifestyle, and her ideal man is somewhere out there wearing a suit by the name of...

Well. I'll be damned. For the first thing I thought of was Edward. Well at least that's a sign, right? Twilight for teens! No, really, this dashing man would have some sexy name. And he will fall in love with this dorky chick simply because he finds it cute, while her friends see her as Heigl in 27 Dresses which, by the way, is also a movie for middle-aged women who still think they're part of the girlies. Yeah. Collect 27 bridesmaid dresses and not get married. And no, his name will not - I repeat - WILL not, be, Kevin Doyle.

I'm sixteen for God's sake. In fact I'm listening to Joan Jett's 'I Hate Myself For Loving You'.

But then again that was from the 80's.

Where is my romance?

Girls my age are still probably hung over from that banging party last night, while I'm here reading some satiric excerpt from some lonely guy. This is something only Bridget Jones would do.

Conclusion:
Man in a suit, come at me bro.

2011-12-15T08:55:00.000-08:00

"Mary, have mercy, now look what I've done
But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from
running is something that we've always done well
And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
Run from their pity, from responsibility
Run from the country and run from the city
I can run from the law, I can run from myself
I can run from my life, I can run into debt
I can run from it all, I can run 'til I'm gone
I can run for the office and run for my cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family

They're hiding inside of me, corpses on ice
Come in if you like but just don't tell my family
They'd never forgive me, they'd say that I'm crazy
But they would say anything if it would shut me up"

2011-12-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

Will you be my friend, always?

Promise never to leave.

Be there always.

I am sinking,

And I need you.

Please salvage what you can.

Breaking the Ice

2011-11-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

A sobbing fit?

A happy hysteria?

What was that feeling?

Gladness, that we’ve finally went back to normal?

Normal?

Laughing together about silly things

And not arguing who’s right or who’s wrong

Or what’s stupid and what’s not.

Normal.

To have forgotten our problems

In, say, half an hour,

It felt normal.

Laughing too hard, too much, a happy hysteria

On the verge of desperate sobbing.

Maybe it was because I was trying really hard

To put us back together

Where we were both happy with each other,

That I told many lame jokes

To break the ice,

And got convinced myself that it was indeed hilarious.

It kinda worked, didn’t it?

Because you laughed too.

Despite the fact that you worried constantly

Of having such a weird, stupid friend.

Despite the fact that there is a rift between us

Which you refer to as “hostility”, “anger”.

Despite the fact that you just ‘have nothing to say’.

Or ‘nothing to ask’.

But at least today, a chip of the iceberg fell off.

Even when I know there’s still much left above

And an even bigger one underneath.

#3

2011-10-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hospital visits used to be alright, around 2006 to 2009

I’d get McDonalds for being good and not crying

I used to like hospital visits.

Hospital visits were scary at first – this was a different place

And a different time, 2010

But I got used to it for mommy.

Presenting myself,

Being happy.

Hospital visits in 2011.

Was not good.

I had to stay over.

I liked the food.

I took showers.

Many days I stayed.

With mommy.

For mommy.

Why did June 7 have to come?

It was raining.

It was just a hospital visit.

For mommy.

The last one for mommy.

I didn’t like June 7.

It’s now near the end of October

My best friend went away last month

I’ve been good. Very good.

Both in the house and in school.

I’ve been very good.

But there was a “Hospital Visit”.

“Hospital Visit” told of the smell of the corridors

“Hospital Visit” told of the nurses that “miraculously carried the burden of death” everyday

“Hospital Visit” told of “fruitless fruits” and “trembling hands – withered”

…

“Hospital Visit” took me to June 7.

“Hospital Visit” made me feel sick.

“Hospital Visit” made me want to cry.

But tears never came out.

I suppose 8/20 didn’t justify

How much I knew of “Hospital Visit”

I suppose a pile of rubbish and a blank #3 weren’t any good.

But no one knows.

Free Hugs

2011-10-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

Forget about reason

Forget about logic

Forget everything

I been waiting too long

Come here now, in my arms

Open, ready for you

Always have, always been

So stop fighting your heart

And just go, come to me

Because it’s neither right

Or wrong to love someone -

Someone...someone like me.